Do you believe people when they apologize to you?
What’s to believe you ask? How about the apology that comes with a ‘but’ or an ‘if you hadn’t done that’, etc.?
Understanding your apology language
There’s a simple way to understand what ‘your apology language’ is.
What? Now they have apology language? I know this sounds strange, but I read the book and looked into what my ‘apology language’ was by taking their test to ‘locate mine’. The test opened my eyes to the fact that I need my husband to express regret and acknowledge that he did something wrong.
The 5 languages of Apology by Drs. Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas list those languages as:
Expressing Regret “I am sorry.”
Accepting Responsiblility “I was wrong.”
Making Restitution “What can I do to make it right?”
Genuinely Repenting “I’ll try not to do that again”
Requesting Forgiveness “Will you please forgive me”
Why bother with learning ‘just one more thing’
When you find out how you are ‘willing’ to receive an apology, then you’ll understand that the way you’re apologizing to people is the way you want to receive an apology. It makes sense when you understand that everyone is different and has their own way of wanting to be apologized to. In your marriage you’ll see why you just don’t feel like your spouse is really ‘sorry’ or has ‘assured you it won’t happen again’. I’m sure you could give me a lot of reasons their apology sounds, fake, phony, insincere or a way to blow you off in that situation. Now that you see there are different ways to apologize, you may want to take the 30 second test to see what you expect in a given apology. The test in the book is longer and more thought provoking plus I also thought I needed to put in more than one answer on a question.
Discovering the 5 languages of apology is just the beginning. You can see it’s different for everyone which means you need to find out your spouses accepted way of being apologized to along with your children. Then you’ll begin to see that you can put in all five apologies with each person until you discover their main means of accepting how you’re apologizing. It’s not about ‘just the right performance’ to give an apology. Rather it’s about caring enough to make sure your apology hits the mark in another’s life.
We’re all raised with specifics on apologizing
Some people grow up with saying, “I’m sorry” and believing that should be enough. Others feel it’s a sign of weakness to apologize and ‘if they love you, you don’t need to say I’m sorry’. (Wasn’t that an old song?)
After trying out this with my husband, he is ‘hitting the mark’ every time now in his apology. Yes, I’d forgive him before, but believe it or not…now it seems like he ‘really means it’ and is ‘really sorry…seeing that he did something offensive to me’.
Does it sound like I’m a spoiled brat that insists on him doing something only my way? He said he’s glad he found out how to apologize and get it across to me. He must have sensed that I as resistant to his way of apologizing previously and that frustrated him. A little good information can go a long way.
What am I doing on my end about apologizing to him? Everything I can to ‘hit the mark’ so he knows I truly am sorry and don’t want to hurt or disrespect him. Trust me, the book was worth the $8.98 plus shipping (Amazon) in oh so many ways!
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